I can’t not do this.

I can’t not do this. Believe me when I say that I’ve tried.

———————————————-

When tragedy struck my hometown the summer before my senior year of HS and the earth actually felt too small for my breath, I watched Harry Potter 1-3. You know, the light-hearted ones. Escaping the too small earth with it’s too big tragedy.

Last night, because I desperately wanted sleep and my head wouldn’t stop flashing pictures of my FB news feed or spinning with my own words of response, I watched Gilmore Girls. Again, escaping the too small world with it’s too big tragedy.

It’s what I do.

———————————————-

I like the middle-ground, I like unruffled feathers, I like to deal in the safe and comfortable.

No, I love those things. Because I am afraid.

I never turn on the news and I scroll past headlines on FB. I do not click and read.

I watch Parks & Rec. instead. I self-protect.

It’s amazing what my brain takes in against my will.

It’s amazing that I even have the choice to avoid. What a twisted privilege.

———————————————-

There’s no part of my self-protecting selfish neutral surface that wants to do this, but I can’t not do this. My surface is not my truth nor my heart. It is not my depth. It is not who I was created to be for others and for this world.

———————————————-

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”

-Desmond Tutu

———————————————-

I have been embarrassingly neutral and silent on the surface for far too long. I have unwittingly chosen the side of the oppressor for fear of making waves or saying the wrong thing. Only daring to “like” the posts and articles I read that mirror my heart.

It is more than embarrassing. It is unacceptable and cowardice.

And after this week, after this summer, I can’t not do this. 

I can no longer cling to the self-protecting lie that “I don’t know what to do.”

I must live my heart out loud unafraid and for the sake of others. I must fight for the right people and love without limits. I must join others in doing the work for peace that is so desperately needed.

It’s time. It was time a long time ago.

———————————————-

I’m still working through my words. But I promise they will be here soon. For whatever that is worth. For whatever my words are worth. I am doing this. There is more to come.

-mel

 

 

 

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