Sometimes you fail at life…

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Sometimes you fail at life…even when you think you’ve finally got it down.

He’s there almost every Tuesday and Thursday as you come off the bridge. There have been times when all the stars have aligned and the traffic patterns have been just right for you to roll down your window and hand him $5. There have been other times when the light is green and you’re going too fast to find your extra money.

There have been times you’ve reached for your grab bags only to remember they are in the trunk AGAIN and so instead you pass him and think…next time for sure.

Then there are times like today when you see him from afar. You’ve learned to look for him now. You know he’s there and you slow down. Your grab bags are just behind you in the back seat. You stretch to reach them while at the same time checking your rearview to make sure you’re not holding anyone up. You see the green light ahead of you, but today he is more important. Today you are ready.

You finally grasp the bag and roll down your window and at the exact same time you hand it to him, the car comes out of nowhere blaring its horn and changing lanes in a huff. Yes the Lexus was huffing.

The continuum busts. Serving others and serving self come face to face with one another and your head almost explodes. At first with the sheer fury you feel towards the huffing Lexus and its driver. And later, in the aftermath, with the realization at everything that just transpired.

You miss it completely. You miss the opportunity to show love as you allow yourself to be distracted by the huffing car and don’t even look at him. At some point he takes the bag and you drive off. Possibly speed off. You have to catch up.

You leave his soft thank you in the dust and it won’t stop playing over and over in your head even after you’ve made it back home. Because your ears heard it. But your heart didn’t.

You catch up. You’re good at that. And you literally get “up in arms” as you yell “Are you kidding me?!” …plus something else your mom wouldn’t be proud of. The windows are up, but boy could he (Lexus) read your lips. Your face has never even been so scrunched.

You are literally fuming. Did he (Lexus) not see what you were doing?! But those fumes are also met with shame as you hear his thank you and realize that you didn’t even smile at him (the other him). You had to serve yourself. You had to be vindicated.

You totally flew off the handle. Elphaba style.

The aftermath is never pretty. You could cry. You could call your mom or Danny straight away to vent…but you know how it’ll sound. You know you’ve failed here. And all you want to do is go back and let him know that you saw him. That he matters.

Sometimes you fail at life…even when you think you’ve finally got it down.

Sometimes you let road-rage crazy come out and play…even when you know that is never a good idea.

Next time will be better. Next time you will slow down when you see him and say “I’m sorry about last time.” knowing full well he probably won’t remember.

Next time for sure.

And in the meantime, you’ll try not to develop an all-encompassing vendetta against Lexus’ from the 90s.

Too much for a Tuesday? Yea, I agree.

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6 thoughts on “Sometimes you fail at life…

  1. I love you Girl! You do many things, fail at life…. not one of them! You, young lady are making a difference and pulling many people with you. Even when something doesn’t go as planned, you’re learning and sharing; two things many others don’t stop to do. Thanks for pausing…. for the man on the corner (although, not as long as you thought you were going to), to reflect and learn about the emotions you are feeling, and to share what you’ve learned (in your special way) with the rest of us. Us – the ones that will think twice before passing him next time and also try to not “fail” life. It’s a journey sweet pea and if we keep leaning on Christ, it doesn’t get easier, but we might just get better at it….. only with God’s guidance and wisdom. Beautiful post, thanks for sharing! Dad

  2. We have to learn to live in the moment while dealing with the world… It’s a process! All we can do is strive to be better today than we were yesterday. Your post really makes me want to try harder! Thanks for sharing.
    Love you!

  3. Pingback: GoodReads | mel and la vida bella

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